Courage
by Queen of Blades
Summary: Link is so crushed he returns to the past, never to zip forward again. What exactly happened in the 7 years link was asleep? What if he wasn't asleep? DISCLAIMER: Rather depressing, depictions of self-mutilation included.
1. Chapter 1: Courage

Courage  
  
Link stared, aghast, as Nabooru vanished from sight. Captured... and him helpless to save her...  
  
Nothing he did worked anymore, not since he pulled the sword. Too many mistakes, too many blunders costing lives. And what about the helpless minions of Gannondorf, sent to their doom at his sword, just because Gannondorf was evil? As the blinding desert winds beat at him, he turned and ran from the temple, ran from his destiny. And as he ran, he cried. Cried for Nabooru, cried for the Zoras, cried for the poor townspeople in Hyrule Market, replaced by redeads, cried for Lon Lon Ranch, under the oppressive rule of Ingo, cried for Eponia- it was luck she even trusted him, the way she had been beaten under Ingo. He could still see some of the marks from the whippings she had recived for being so contrary. He cried for everything that had happened these past seven years, which he had caused, and he had run from, falling into slumber.  
  
Sure, he had not intended to abandon his country. But... perhaps it would be better if he had. If only he had a second chance to do it over... That's it! He would go back in time and destroy the Master Sword once and for all. No more time travel. No more Mr. Hero. He wouldn't hide out in Kokiri forest, either. He would live in Castle Town with the rest, subject to the same fate he had imposed on them. And he would probably die. If he managed to survive...  
  
He reached Gerudo Valley and found Epona, waiting meekly. He greeted the horse with a pat and a nose rub before hopping on. She was always eager to please him, not knowing that this time... he wouldn't come back to her, to ride her to the temple again. This was more than a simple supply run. This was cowardice, trechary. This was the final stand of a war-torn hero. No, Link reminded himself, he was no hero. He was as bad as, if not worse than, Gannondorf himself.  
  
He dismounted when they reached the town gates. He pulled Epona's saddle and bridle off, and set them down on the ground. On impulse, he hugged the neck of his four-legged friend, and whispered in her ear, "I'm sorry...". Then he pulled back, and slapped her rump, with a "Ha!". She started and ran a little ways, before circling back to him. He waved his arms and yelled. "Go on, go, stupid nag! You're free now!" In desperation to make her understand, he pulled out a Deku Nut and threw it down. She reared up, turned, and ran into the plains, vanishing from sight over a hill, headed for the ranch she grew up in. "Stupid nag." Link whispered, tears running down his cheeks. He turned and truged into town, storing his gear in a hole for some new hero to find.   
  
He just ignored the redeads as they milled about, keeping the sword sheathed. When he reached the temple, he sighed before heading in. Then, face set, he steeled his nerves and went straight to the sword. He shoved it in the sheath violently, and the rush began again.  
  
Swirling colors, times, faces just out of reach... he felt like he was falling, falling forever, surrounded by angry faces, accusing words, seeing all the evil done fly by in a flash, and Raru glaring at him, angry at him for delaying, for not saving everyone....  
  
It was done. He was back. A kid again. Weak-kneed, he hopped off the little platform. He left the chamber without a second glance, removing the Kokiri Emerald from it's spot. The door to the chamber closed, with a heavy grating thud. Link headed out to the market, cheered by the sight of people living, working, unaware of the terrible fate he had doomed them to. Some of them smiled at him, thinking to themselves that he was a happy, carefree little boy. His sullen face did little to change their minds- they figured he was just pouting. No little boy could feel responsible for the fate of the whole world, after all...  
  
He headed swiftly to Kakariko Village. One house, a ways outside the village, looked dark and forboding. He had never noticed it before, but now that he knew what to look for...   
  
There was a high fence, and the gate was shut and locked. He took the Ocarina of Time from his pocket, and wrote a quick note on the back of the letter Zelda had given him to allow him passage to Goron City.   
  
"Dear "Sheik",  
  
Please look after this for me. It makes a nice duet with your harp. I no longer need it.   
  
  
  
...I'm sorry,  
  
-Link."  
  
Crying softly, he placed the note and the Ocarina down at the gate. It was done. He was a hero no longer. The world was safe from his blunders and folly.  
  
... So why did he feel so miserable? 


	2. Chapter 2: Cuts

Courage chapter 2  
  
Link wandered aimlessly through Kakariko village, lending a hand to the builders, fixing random things here and there that needed mending. Several times he thought he heard his name being called, but he ignored it, always slipping off in some random direction.  
  
Finally he forcibly yanked Navi out of his hat. "Navi... you're free now, so just go away already!"  
  
"No, Link! I'm worried about you!"  
  
"Yeah? Well, don't be! I'm no hero, I'm a miserable failure. So just go!"  
  
"No, Link! Don't do this to yourself! You ARE a hero!"  
  
"No... I'm not." Sullen, he turned his face away.   
  
"Link..."  
  
He suddanly raised a hand and did the unforgivable- swatted the little fairy like a bug. She hit a building and fell to the ground, stunned, as he turned and ran. She slowly shook her head to clear it and climbed to her feet, dizzy, spreading her wings. One lay at an odd angle. "oh no... Link!" But her little voice wasn't heard above the hammering and sawing.  
  
Link ran and ran and ran, and finally sank against a skeleton frame of a house and wept. He pulled a knife from his pocket and, rolling up his tunic to bare his arm, pressed it against his flesh. He carved a triforce into his flesh, and some spirals. The agony, the guilt, vanished in an instant. He actually smiled. Sure, he was no hero. But maybe he could do something while he was here....  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Link..." she sniffled, sitting on the roof. "Why are you ignoring me?" Zelda hugged her knees to her chest. "What happened?" she asked the world in general, and got no reply. "Link..."   
  
There! There he was, heading out of town. She cradled the exhausted Navi and lept to the ground, following after. He of course sensed her, but this time he turned to see who it was.   
  
"Zel..." he whispered, aghast. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I failed everyone... I hurt Navi.. I understand if you don't want to talk to me again... I'm as bad as Ganon... I'm leaving now, you won't be bothered by me again." He turned to go.  
  
"No, wait! First off, you're not Ganon. Secondly, don't leave..."  
  
"Sorry..." he whispered.  
  
"Link! Nobody wants you to just give up and leave!"  
  
"What about Navi? I hurt her..."  
  
"Link, no! Stay... please?" Navi whimpered, through the pain. Link's large blue eyes began filling with tears.  
  
"You... want me to stay?" softly. Zel nodded.  
  
"Of course she does! And I do too.. There's no reason to leave."  
  
"I don't deserve you... I don't deserve to stay.. I deserve to be alone and miserable!"  
  
"Nobody deserves that, Link, and besides, we want you to stay."  
  
"I'll fail you again.."  
  
"Well it's a fair trade off, then, because we would miss your awesomeness as a friend if you left."  
  
"Awesome... I'm far from awesome."  
  
"I think you are." Zelda smiled at him. "Now come on, let's get you inside. How did you know Impa had a house here?"  
  
"I... Time travelled. I was in the future... and I ruined it for everyone."  
  
"Oh Link..." She gave him a quick hug, careful of Navi. "Come inside and tell us about it."  
  
Bah, short chappie, but feh. 


	3. Chapter 3: More Cuts

Courage chapter 3  
  
Link stared out at the rain. The droplets falling, the pitterpatter, was soothing to his tortured mind. Rain was so normal, so comforting. He could blank his mind and just be, listening.   
  
Zelda came up behind him. "How you doing?" she asked softly, concerned, placing a hand on his shoulder. He just grunted, lost in thoughtlessness. She sighed, sitting beside him.  
  
"I'm not that great either." He turned, mutely, to look at her, as she continued. "Impa's vanished. Hyrule Castle Town is lost. The plains are dark now, night and day. And the evil.... it's eating at my soul, making me weary."  
  
He turned back to the rain. "I'm sorry, Zel." Softly. "Sorry I couldn't save this world..."  
  
She whimpered a little, hurt. "No, Link, it's not your fault... Link, it's been a month, you need to at least try to get over it..."  
  
He stared out at the rain, silent. She sighed. "I... I'm leaving here. It's not safe, with him looking for me." He didn't seem suprised, just resigned. His whole body sagged. He knew this was coming, knew they'd be parted. He felt... empty, inside. My life is over, he thought to himself. This is it. I've lost everything worth anything to me now.   
  
Zelda sighed. "I'll miss you..." she whispered in his ear, kissing his cheek gently, a friendly guesture. Then she wrapped her face in the last of the bandages, and stole out into the rain, leaving Link alone to think in the small house.   
  
Link looked down at the small object he clutched in his hand. Why? he thought. Why bother fighting it anymore? There's nothing left for me now. He slowly uncurled his fingers, to reveal a small blade. He turned from the window, sitting on his cot, and removed his tunic and leggings. Taking a moment to glance at the almost-healed cuts from the last time he had cut, nearly a month ago, he let himself succumb to the temptation, smiling faintly. A sadistic smile, but the most smile he'd given in a long time.   
  
He began by slashing at his lower arm, frowning a little. No blood? He wanted the blood, wanted to see it welling slowly from his arm, wanted to lap it up, savor the taste. He could picture the skin on his wrist splitting open like a sausage, blood spilling out, himself greedily lapping it up. A demon, he thought. That's what I am. No better than Gannondorf....  
  
He continued slashing at his arm, frowning more as no blood came. Could it be... the blade had dulled, in a month of no use, being in his belt pouch. Angry, he pressed harder and harder. Maybe he was just fat from sloth, maybe that was why he wasn't drawing blood. He pulled his leggings to his knees and began slashing at his thigh. He tried to carve Navi, tried to carve Zelda, but the letters were only half formed, and still no blood. Scowling, he began to slash like a madman at his stomach, his thigh, his arm.   
  
He set the blade down, going for a rather dull pocketknife. He flicked open the blade, pressing the tip to his chest, above his heart, and pressed hard. Is this how it felt when you died, Deku tree?, he thought. This pain? Or more? I can dish it out, I can take it! He pressed until he couldn't take it, then pulled it away, panting a little. Then pressed it again. The blade was so dull, he didn't even draw blood, but it hurt like hell. He smiled a little in satisfaction. Then he spied his arm.   
  
Oh! He HAD drawn blood on one of those slashes! It was bleeding a very little bit. He took the blade and pressed the corner of it to the cut, tracing it exactly to open it more. Then he licked a little. The taste.. repulsive, but addictive. So faint.. he needed more, to get it truly. He slashed again, pressing hard, flinching a little from the pain. No, he told himself, no flinching. No weakness. He lapped up the blood, and then reopened it again and again. Then he began to suck, drawing blood from the wound. He swished it around in his mouth. Slightly salty, tasting repulsive and awful, but at the same time addictive, attractive. He kept at it until it became all repulsive, then stared at his arm in horror.   
  
How COULD he? Like a... a vampire or something! Why had he been lusting for blood, his own blood? For he had, he realized. Had been wanting it for a week or so. Why... confused and suddanly scared, he put the blade down and went into the other room, where Zelda had set up a little house for Navi. He paused to pull his tunic and leggings on first, then knelt to peer into the terrarium where she dwelled.   
  
"N...Navi?"  
  
She popped her head out of a small window, yawning some. "Yes Link?"  
  
"I.... I cut again." She blinked, looking at him, as he began to babble. "I just lost it, went nuts, I can't take life without Zelda, she left, and I just didn't know why I should bother fighting it anymore, just started slashing everywhere, arms, legs, stomach some..."  
  
"Link, that's not good. How much are you bleeding?" she asked, really scared. But her little voice was lost as he continued to babble.  
  
"And I pressed the knife to my heart, and I was asking the Deku tree how much it hurt to die, and I drank my blood, and..."  
  
"Link! Seriously, how much are you bleeding!?" Her tiny eyes searched his body over for any signs of major wounds.   
  
"Not a lot..."  
  
"Thank Din! Link.." She flew out of the terrarium, going to hug his thumb. "Link, don't scare me like that...."  
  
He curled into a ball in a large armchair, sobbing, as she continued to try her best to comfort him.   
  
"Link... please don't do it again..."  
  
"Navi... I'm not strong enough..."   
  
"You ARE! You're the Hero of Time!"  
  
"I'm bad..."   
  
"You're good. Good Link. My Link." She whimpered some, worried. He curled his finger around her in a little hug, smiling some through the tears.   
  
"Th..thank you.. Navi...."  
  
She smiled a little, flying off and tugging a blanket over to him, covering him as he trembled some, and snuggled up to him, comforting him until he fell asleep.  
  
disclaimer: I am NOT advocating cutting. Please please don't. It's honestly one of the worst things because it's addictive and quickly gets out of control, like in Link's case. Thank you. 


	4. Chapter 4: End

Courage chapter 4

But things didn't get better.

At least, not right away.

Without his knives and daggers (Navi having made him promise to get rid of them), he felt bereft, empty. The pain was still there, more than ever, filling him with emptiness, everything inside him corroding into lonliness, a lonliness that could not be healed. He took to staring out the window for long periods of each day, not moving, barely even breathing, his eyes unfocusing. He could not see, hear, or feel anything when he did that. But at least he was safe…

Navi awoke from a nap one day to find the windowseat unoccupied, the slight depression from Link's butt no longer even warm. A bolt of blind panic went through her, shocking her into action. She tried not to panic or scream as she searched the house for him. Perhaps he was in the kitchen getting a snack…

The kitchen was empty as well. _Empty as Link's heart, with nobody around to love… the poor boy._ _I have to find him!_ Next she tried his bedroom, with still nothing. Then, it hit her. The lightning panic turned to cold fear in the pit of her tiny stomach as she checked the scabbord where he kept his Kokiri sword—the one blade she'd let him keep. As she had feared, empty. Crying, she flew blindly through the house, screaming his name. "Link! LINK! **LINK! COME BACK TO ME! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE ALL ALONE! DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE AGAIN, LINK, LINK!**" Her tiny eyes closed as her tiny memories replayed once more:

Navi sat in the cold rain, hugging herself tightly, her wings drenched. She looked on as the others sat under a large leaf, playing telephone. She ached to join them, but she knew she could not. She'd naively tried a few times before, only to be shoved out into the rain again. She was… different, the same way Link was different from his friends. She observed as the big children playing in the hollow log, a favorite fort to play in, and wondered what it was like to be connected to someone like that. She felt a deep yearning inside her, a lonliness that had no name. She had contemplating bashing her head against a rock once before. If she just flew hard enough and fast enough, it would all be over….

But the Deku Tree, her wise Father, had cautioned her to wait. He told her that she was destined for something far greater than any of her fairy peers, if she could just hold on long enough. And hold on she had.

"Link…" She cried harder, darting out of the hut. "You don't have to be alone…. You're destined for great things… just please, hold on, hold on!" Sobbing hysterically, she didn't even see where she was going until she hit something HARD. Before she blacked out, she saw his face before her once more, and knew that at least she would be going to be with him, her Boy—no, better than that, her Man.

"Navi? Navi, are you alright? Navi, talk to me!" _The faces swirled around her: the Deku Tree, whom she had failed and allowed to die. Link, who she had failed and allowed to hurt so bad…and who was she kidding, he was probably dead too. Din, Farorea, Naryu… her Mothers, whom she had failed by failing in her duty. _"Forgive me…"

"NAVI!" With that, she was brought back to consciousness, a rather ill looking Link holding her, calling to her, tears welling up. "I've killed her, I've killed her!"

"No.. Link… LINK! Link, I'm okay! I'm okay…. What happened, I thought you were… were…."

He smiled a bit, sadly. "I decided that the only fitting way for one such as me to die would be impaled on my own sword. But this… this is no longer my sword. So I was going to get the Master Sword." He paused then, peering down at her. "Navi… are you…. Crying?"

"don't you see, Link… you're everything to me. You're all I have, please, don't leave me alone! It was so horrible being alone, you have to know, you were alone too, please, don't leave me! Even if you think you're horrible, let's finish it. If we're going to die, let's die together, in battle, a hero's death. Just don't leave me!"

"A hero's death… yeah." His voice was very soft, hardly even a whisper, then it got a bit stronger. "yeah…" the next time he spoke, moments later, he sounded like his old self again. "Yeah. C'mon, Nav, let's go save Hyrule." He smiled, holding her out at arm's length in a pose, and she could see that he'd grabbed his gear, and looked like his old self again. But as they went to the Temple of Time, she silently swore to herself never ever again to miss that look behind his façade of strength, that look in his blue eyes that said that he was barely holding on, clinging tightly to something so he wouldn't lose it and fail everyone. _I promise you, Link. I won't let you fall again. Never ever again. Neither of us will ever have to be alone again._


End file.
